So in the beginning I was hoping that I'd be able to keep my blog very up to date, posting as much as I could but that didn't go too well. Let me try to sum all of this up. So I did end up moving to Argentina on January 23 and I'm the sort of person that doesn't realize things until they are right in front of them. Everyone kept on telling me that I would feel lonely being in a country that I've never been to before and where I didn't know anyone, but I had only one thing in mind and that was moving to a better place. Until I got here I somehow convinced myself that I was coming because I wanted to pursue a degree on Odontology and that it would take me less time to do that here, but that was what I told my parents so that they would let me come here and after saying that over and over again I started believing it too. So I didn't tell my "family" that I was coming here, since I never really considered anyone else besides my mom, dad and brother part of my family. The only thing they want to see is me doing bad and hope that I miserably fail in life.
So the trip went well until I finally got out of the airport that's when I realized damn, I'm alone... once again. Why do I say once again? well that's because that is exactly how I felt when I had just moved to El Salvador. I didn't know anyone, I didn't have any friends, I didn't know the place and I couldn't even rely on the "family" I had there since they could have cared less but at least I had my brother. I took a cab to the place I'd be staying at and it was nothing like it was described online. I don't know what the heck I was expecting, that it looked more like the US maybe? but I seriously got a mini panic attack like the ones I used to get at first in El Salvador but I tried to calm myself down since I was not gonna let myself get into that horrible state. When I got here that's when I realized that I hadn't actually moved because I wanted to study in a better university or because that career was less time here, it was because I wanted to live in a "better" place. What can I say that's when reality hit me, now I was worried and realized what everyone had been trying to tell me the entire time, yep it was right in front of me so I could now see it. That very same day a guy I had met at my old University and who also moved here to study dropped by to see how I was, I can't really recall much except from seeing him with two other guys who he already seemed pretty close with and realizing how used to the place he seemed already.
Days went by and February 1 came along and so began my first day at University. Sucked so bad, there was a total of 47 tests I had to take and could only fail 3 in order to get accepted and on top of that I failed the very first one. I seriously wondered how the heck did I end up over here, I wanted to pack my bags and go back that very same day. I talked with my parents and well my dad said that he had no problem sending me back but that I was going to return to El Salvador with a feeling of being a failure and that well obviously my "family" would never let me forget it. I was trying to decide whether to go back or stay, in that moment all I wanted was for God to tell me which path to follow. That very same night Duque, who I was now closer with came with his two friends, Ruso and Saracay, who were now also my friends and told me almost the exact same words that my dad had used not too long and well that couldn't be a coincidence right? So I decided to give it a shot.
That was the most intense course I have ever done in my whole life, I had to read a whole chapter which was about 30-47 pages a day and the next day would be the test on that chapter. They also made me do things like making boxes, toothbrush holders, puppets, banners, trash cans and many other things that I would never have imagined doing in my life. Throughout all of this I only got to sleep about 4 hours a day and regretted moving here almost every single day, I wanted to give up and go back to the life that I once thought was hard and hated but now realized how wrong I was. I'm 100% percent sure that if it hadn't been for the friends that I had made here who pretty much gave me as much support as they could, I would have left long ago. During this time I had such a mixture of emotions that I didn't even know what I wanted one day I would think something but the very next day I would have an entire new plan on what to do, what can I say it was just so sressful. I have never felt so dumb in my whole life, during the course it made me really think the University was really for me? maybe it was just not what I was supposed to do and that it was way out of my reach...
More time went by and I had gotten even closer with Duque, Ruso, Sara and now even Oscar who are all also from El Salvador, which is what basically brought us together. It's weird really, I don't know how to describe it, they have showed that they actually care about me and have supported me more than my "family" ever has, it would be sad if I didn't make the cut and had to suddenly say good-bye... A lot of people were been left out in my University since they had failed too many tests already and the worst part was that they were the people who I had gotten close with, it got to the point where I was left with no one who I was close with. As if this wasn't enough I got robbed and hit in the face, which didn't even happen while I was living in El Salvador. My Iphone got stolen and so did my book, at the time I freaked out more about the book because it meant that I wouldn't be able to study and if I didn't study I would obviously be out. Now I seriously miss my phone, my parents must have worked very hard in order to buy it for me and of course I still haven't told them anything, I just couldn't tell them something like that, they would have worried a whole lot. The next day was the final and yeah I failed it by one question, I cried really bad and thought this was it even though there were still retakes I didn't know if I wanted to do that, I mean if getting in was this hard who could ever guarantee anything about ever coming out? To add more to my wonderful experiences a flood occurred here in La Plata, nothing like that had happened in this place in over 100 years, it seemed like I left my luck somewhere else because it sure wasn't here. Power went out, there was no running water, many people died, and it was beyond sad I have never experienced anything like that, but even with that life went on.
Things had somewhat settled down after the catastrophic events, and it was time to take my final again. When they were grading it, I didn't think I did too well in fact I was almost sure I had failed and this was the last chance I had. I knew that if I failed my dad would be furious and that he would buy me a flight back and that he wouldn't help me with my studies anymore, things wouldn't be like before I came here but even with that deep down inside I think I was actually happy. I wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore, and I slowly started imaging what I would do once I got back and how I would appreciate what I had so much more than before. They finally called my name and started grading my test and to my surprise I actually passed the test. I was shocked, I had passed a total of 47 tests in a month and a half. When I started the course in my mind was giving it a try so that I wouldn't feel too guilty after I went back, that way I could at least say that I tried my best but maybe never really thought that I would make it. This is the sort of moment where you get happy right? where you want to call everyone and tell them the news but for me it was the opposite, I even considered lying to my parents and telling them that I had failed so that I could go back. I called my mom and at first I told her that I had failed and she got so sad, not even disappointed in me, just plain sad and told me oh well you tried we won't leave you there alone, I will gather up money so that you can go back and that just made me feel so sad. I told her that I wasn't being serious and that I made it in and she got so happy and starting thanking me for having made it in. Why did she do that? She made me feel even worse... There is no reason why she should be thanking me, I should be the one thanking her. I am seriously that much of a bad person, I made my mom stressed out and made her worry about me and my future.
My mom must have called everyone she knew telling them that I had gotten in, because even my brother had published on my Facebook congratulations on making it in, even my best friend knew. My mom was definitely happier than me and so was my dad, he still has hope that I'll be able to graduate, hope which I lost long ago. My friends here were also very happy that I had made it in specially since only 250 people out of the original 800 got in. I guess they also believe that I can graduate but to tell you the truth I don't know if I can, I still feel like it's too much for me and that on the way I'll end up wanting to quit. I keep thinking that maybe college just wasn't made for me and wonder what happened? After been an A student my whole life I get to college and can't seem to move forward, I find it very difficult and don't know if someday I will graduate... but yet I'm still here trying for some reason does that mean deep inside I still have hope?
